Chasing His Dreams

I married Gene Murphy on October 14, 1994. Seven months later, in late May of 1995, I crossed the stage in our town’s college auditorium and received my high school diploma. Rather than contemplating plans for my first grown-up summer that day, I was dreaming of joining my sailor sweetheart on the west coast, a home with a white picket fence, and lots and lots of babies. It took four years, but eventually my first of five boys arrived. Eddie was long and skinny, with blue eyes and orange-red peach fuzz which gave off the impression that his head was actually glowing. In the early days of motherhood, I suffered a great deal of anxiety directly related to the state of Eddie’s diaper. It did not take many years before I stopped worrying about diaper rash and began to worry about his future. Fretting over his future naturally led to concern for his education, which in turn led to concern over mine. I determined that my education, or lack thereof, would reflect on the kind of life my son would lead. There are some things that an educated mother can more easily gift her children than her uneducated counterpart.

Little boys are curious creatures. They have to know the ‘why’ of everything. Why can’t I have a pet penguin? Why do I have to wear a tie to church? Why do Rolly-Polly bugs curl up like that? And so on. These are examples of the kinds of questions that my boys typically ask when they are very small. Often times we simply need to say something like “penguins are wild”, or “you look spiffy” in response to these. But then they grow older. The questions become more complicated. Three word answers no longer suffice. They want to know about the genetic make up of worms, or perhaps they need to find as many synonyms for the word cold as they can. There is no room in my head to store that kind of information. By knowing how to find the answers to these questions, I eliminate the need. It is my wish to unlock mysteries for my children and broaden their horizons. And in so doing, teach them to find the answers for themselves.

Teaching is most easily accomplished by doing. I remember well when my mom went back to college. I was thirteen years old. All my life, she had been waiting for me when I arrived home from school. Most of the time, there was a homemade treat waiting for me which I would gobble up before disappearing for the remainder of the day. I took for granted that my mother’s sole purpose in life was to welcome me home with a hug and kiss, fill my belly, and then good naturedly wave good-bye as I departed into my childhood Neverland. She would, of course, wait anxiously for my return, all the while pondering on which pleasures she should next bestow upon me. I was proud of my mother. Needless to say, college was a rude awakening for me. Mother was no longer found in the dining room after school, but in the basement surrounded by monumental piles of various educational materials. The tempting treats of yesterday were no more. Those days were gone, replaced with long days of whispered conversations and peanut butter sandwiches. I learned something very important about my mother during those years. You see, like me, she loved being a mother. The loss of Neverland, and its accompanying sweetness, was a greater sacrifice for her than it was for me. I watched her make that sacrifice and struggle through her days. When the day finally came that my beloved mother put on her black graduation gown and cap, I drove with her to the ceremony and watched as she received her degree. I was proud of my mother.

Like my parents before me and their parents before them, I want a better life for my children than I have. Education opens the flood gates of opportunity. If I neglect my education, they are very likely to neglect theirs. If they know that I have gained an education, I have worked hard to make it a good education, and it has indeed influenced my life, my words will then have meaning. Each generation builds upon the last.

Unlike most of my classmates, I have no intention of joining the work force after I graduate. I have children to raise, and it is their season. So why attempt to juggle the demands of a large family, the responsibilities of a marriage and the work involved with school? Because my years of strong influence over my children are numbered. Like me, they have dreams. I want them to live those dreams. I have chosen to follow my heart, so that they will see me do it. I am pursuing my dreams now so that Eddie and his brothers will get it into their heads to do the same. While I am doing it at a fast trot, I pray that for them it will be a full on sprint.